


Shut up and Listen You Great Thot

by Qcean_Lmai



Series: Oneshots That Needed To Come Out of My Brain: Marvel Edition [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Brunnhilde tries to end Hela, ENDGAME SPOILERS FOR THOSE WHO HAVEN'T SEEN LE MOVIE, Eir survived, Hela visits New Asgard, Hela's nicer now because shit went down and now she's just sick of the fighting, I got bored, Loki is mentioned, Oneshot, Post Ragnarok, and this is the result, but I used some family info from Conquest, during endgame, endgame thor, it doesn't line up with any of my other fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-01 08:34:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20255233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qcean_Lmai/pseuds/Qcean_Lmai
Summary: Hela appears in New Asgard and finds her Kingdom struggling to survive, her brother in a depression, and that insufferable Valkyrie running the joint.OneshotAvengers Endgame SpoilersSet before Hulk and Rocket go to get Thor





	Shut up and Listen You Great Thot

**Author's Note:**

> It was just an idea y'all.  
This doesn't line up with any of my other fics and I got bored.  
Enjoy!

**Hela**

The shock she got when she exited the portal on Midgard from Helheim was almost enough to make her walk backwards back into the Realm of the Dead.

She was in Tonsberg, Norway. It was a spot by the coast, with old, run down buildings, rough seas lashing the cliffs, and what remained of her people. There were cars, trucks,  _ mortal _ technologies. Asgard had indeed fallen  _ very _ far from its high horse, all because Thor decided to test her temper with his sorry excuse of an existence.

It was midday, Asgardians worked at the docks where she’d stepped out of the portal; unloading supplies and disposing of their waste. Nobody had spotted her yet.

“Well,” she said boredly, “This is a large step down isn’t it? You know, if you hadn’t tried to kill me, Asgard would still exist and none of you would be working your arses off trying to make ends meet in a realm of mortals.”

The nearest Asgardian whipped around at the sound of her voice and screamed. Hela winced as the piercing sound split through her head, making her headache worse.

“Calm down! I’m only here to speak with the All-Father.” she spat.

The woman drew a knife and lunged at her, embedding the blade in her ribs. Sharp, hot pain spiked through her already battered body as her illusion dropped and exposed the healing burns covering the left half of her body. She pulled the knife out of her ribs and wiped the golden blood on her thigh, handing the knife back to the woman in front of her frozen with fear.

“Oh for Norn’s sake woman! I’m not going to kill you. There’s already been enough Aesir blood spilled.” she hissed, sending most of what seidr she had left after opening the portal to her stab wound.

The wound closed up, and Hela’s dress remained ripped.

The woman continued to shake, a crowd of wary Asgardians had surrounded them. Scanning the crowd, Hela couldn’t see any sign of her half-brother or that pathetic Valkyrie. She did see Eir among them though.

“Friend or Foe?” One of the Asgardians asked.

“Good Gods you don’t even remember me?” she cried.

“He wasn’t on Asgard when you invaded Hela.” Eir said, never taking her eyes off her, never blinking.

Eir hadn’t been on Asgard either. Last she heard, her Aunt was on Vanaheim with half of the Aesir Gods, including Tyr.

“YOU!” A woman’s voice screeched.

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” she muttered, turning to block the strike Brunnhilde intended for her neck.

With a few expert moves, she had the last of the Valkyrior disarmed and on the deck with her bare foot on her throat.

“Hela.” Eir warned.

She glanced up at the older Goddess, “Oh I won’t kill your last Valkyrie… I never intended to come here to kill you all, but I will if you lay another hand, blade or any kind of attack upon my person.”

Eir nodded grimly and made her way forwards slowly, as if approaching a wild beast. Hela took her foot off Brunnhilde’s throat and stepped up to her Aunt.

“What are you doing here?” Eir whispered nervously.

She frowned, “I’ve come to help.”

“No- Hela none of those games. Goddesses as powerful as you do not simply “come to help”. Now out with your true reason.” Eir said sternly, but quietly.

She tilted her head to the side, letting her gaze wander over her aunt’s face. She hadn’t seen her in five millennia. She’d aged well.

Eir was studying her face too, eyes raking over the hideous burns and her exposed skull.

“Fine. I’ve come to speak with the All-Father about certain issues regarding the Infinity Stones.”

Eir’s face paled.

“Right then… I’ll escort you.”

Brunnhilde trailed behind them, blade drawn as Eir led her through a maze of cramped, crumbling houses. They were tiny in comparison to the luxurious apartments on Asgard… they were smaller than the ones in Helheim too.

They stopped in front of one that looked marginally better than the rest.

Eir rapped her knuckles on the door as Hela twisted her ruined black skirts up into a knot above her good thigh. The door opened moments later to reveal the Kronan that had fought on the bridge during Ragnarok.

“Oh hey Aunt Eir!” he said cheerily before standing aside and letting them all in through the narrow, crowded hallway.

The smell of stale beer hit Hela like a ton of bricks. She only just managed to stop herself from gagging. There wasn’t only stale beer in that vile mixture of smells, there was another smell that smelled like the Pizza she’d seen the mortal souls cooking in Helheim. But it was old.

“Hey Thor! Your Aunt, Brunn and a freaky lady with goth make-up are here to see you!” the Kronan bellowed.

Goth. Her? Nah.

Someone grunted in response from around the corner. She shared a look with Eir.

They got around the huge stack of Pizza boxes and into the small, dimly lit lounge room.

She should have walked back into Hel while she still could.

Her younger half-brother, the King of Asgard, the All-Father and protector of the Nine Realms was sitting on a stained couch with an Xbox controller in his sausage fingered hands and a headset over his ears. Good gods he had a beer belly too!

“Odin’s beard Thor! What in the Nine happened to you?!” she exclaimed.

Surely this was some other Asgardian and not Thor Odinson. Her senses told her otherwise.

Thor looked up, his blue eyes fell on her face and appearance. Wait… when did he get a new golden eye? Rage filled his blue eye as the golden one remained still and void of emotion.

“YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!! SURTUR SHOULD HAVE KILLED YOU!!” He roared.

Eir gingerly sat down on one of the free chairs as she watched the exchange.

“Your Majesty, she’s here to kill you and take her place as Queen.” the Valkyrie informed him.

Hela rolled her eyes and asked Eir to take her Valkyrie out of the room.

Everyone but Thor had removed themselves from the room in the space of a few minutes, Brunnhilde the only one protesting.

They were both silent for a minute.

“He killed Loki.” Thor whispered.

“I know.”

“He killed half of everyone on that ship and then more.” he continued.

“I know.”

“And do you know who’s fault it is Hela?” he asked.

She expected him to say it was her’s.

“It was all my fault.”

He got up and waddled over to her. His fat feet thudding heavily on the dirty carpeted floor. Hela tilted her head to the side.

“I’m not even sure if you actually are here. I could be hallucinating again. Just like when I saw Loki.”

He was almost nose to nose with her. He’d gotten about three inches shorter since he’d gained weight. The top of her head was now in line with the bottom of his nose instead of his chin. Her brother reached a hand out to poke the injured side of her face. She flinched back and pushed him a metre away from her. She didn’t even feel his fingers touch her ruined face, the nerves were all fried.

“Oh my Gods you are real.” Thor said.

“Yes. Now shut up and listen you great thot.” she snapped.

He sat down without a fight. Norns knew they were both sick of the bloodshed. There was no need for a fight between them right now.

“I have an army, and a connection to the Soul Stone.” she started.

“Sister. Thanos is dead. I decapitated him five years ago. He destroyed the Stones with the Stones.” Thor said tiredly, a small tear running down his cheek.

She fought the urge to wipe the tear away and failed miserably. Thor locked eyes with her and soon had her crushed in a hug. One half of her body was numb, the other half was being stabbed by Thor’s dangling headset, both halves were being squeezed.

“Sister I’m sorry.”

She sighed. This was better than nothing she supposed. Shit, she was getting soft in her old age.

“Ah fuck it. If this plan is to work, we need to get over that fact that you blew me up and that I took your eye out. Thor. I accept your apology.” she huffed, wrapping her arms around him.

She had to stretch her arms wide, even then she still couldn’t grab ahold of her other hand.

“Thankyou Sister. You know, maybe you aren’t the worst.”

She chuckled, “Aye, maybe not.”

“Now. About that plan of yours. Please continue.”

And she did.

**Author's Note:**

> Lol  
That wasn't my best work, it was just a quick "get it out of your system and alter the scene later for when you write that Endgame fic"
> 
> Have a good week everyone!


End file.
